Confidence and doubts

Well first off, I need to yet again go back into the little red painting and fix. The cloud is way too big, overpowerong, and kind of looks like a fat pig or chicken floating in the sky..... ! I will re-post the image once I've resolved the issues....

Overall the past few weeks, where I have had the thrill of having the house (my studio is a home studio) all to myself, have been more of a struggle then I ever would have anticipated. I had really been on a roll getting these paintings done, and then the past few weeks I was feeling somewhat disconnected to my work, or maybe it was my process. I started to feel a lot of self-doubt. I questioned all the visual references I was using, and to what extent do they help or hamper me? Am I not making enough effore to be original? Is there enough if any meaning in a bunch of cloud paintings? Thoughts such as these were causing me to avoid my studio rather then dissappear in it, and this has been very disheartening.

However, with that said, the other side of the argument is that it may be a great thing that I find myself questioning what it is I'm doing, and reflecting on the answers I'm coming up with. Moments like this, although they hurt, can take me to the next step, like growing pains. I've realized that I do need to challenge my process a bit more. I do need to go deeper internally for my ideas, even while still looking outside of myself for inspiration.

I also came to the conclusion that although I do enjoy experimenting directly onto my canvas, and I like to limit my pre-conceived ideas of the final result, a little more pre-game practice would go a long way. I've decided it's ok to experiment with the color work on the canvas, but the drawing should be well rehearsed before I begin. In other words, MORE SKETCHING!

So moving forward I have made shift in my process, I worked a few things out, and hopefully the result is that the time lost on actual painting will be made up for (and even more) by the resolvement of certain issues.

One final note: I applied to three residencies in these past few weeks, with the goal of placing myself in an environment very condusive to landscape painting from observation. Two are located on the west coast and one in upstate New York so I imagine plein air painting could be my daily practice and painting from observation my best inspiration....

In conclusion I will leave you with an image of a piece that I did do in the midst of my temporary existential crisis, and I am happy to say this is almost 100% out of my imagination....

Heading Home/Oil on canvas/20"x 24"

Heading Home

Oil on canvas

20"x 24"


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